Tell me about yourself.
Who are you?
Do you see yourself the way others see you?
Think about the ways you know you get in your own way.
Now imagine all the ways that you get in your own way that you are not aware of.
We are not who we think we are.
From an early age we develop survival strategies. We create defense patterns that allow us to cope. Over time we become ingrained and trapped in these patterns of behavior. We don't even see them. It takes courage to open ourselves up; it is messy. Most people travel their entire lives not knowing who they are and not living up to who they could be. It is safer, more comfortable.
You are not your personality, with the Enneagram we go deep uncovering who we really are.
The Enneagram is a model of human personality that describes nine interconnected personality types. It is based on the idea that each individual has a dominant type that influences their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The Enneagram is often used as a tool for personal growth and understanding, as well as for team building and leadership development. Good leaders start by being good people. Within each personality type there are levels of health. At our healthiest we are able to live into the positive attributes of the personality type, at our unhealthiest, we take on the negative qualities. The beauty of the Enneagram is that it offers very helpful and specific direction for how to transform into healthy levels of living into your purpose. Note the overviews below, chances are that you may identify with several of the types. Coaching packages include a full Enneagram assessment, development plan and debrief by a certified Enneagram professional.
Your patterns reflect that It is important for you to do the right thing; you have high standards for yourself and for the rest of us. You have strong opinions and don't mind expressing them. Life would be better if everyone followed the rules. The messy part for you will be pay attention to how important it is for you to be right and to make us all better. Pay attention to how you self-criticize - underlying need to prove to yourself that you are worthy. Relax a little, have some fun, embrace the beautiful and imperfect you!
Your patterns are in overexteding, hiding your needs (you often don't even know what it is that you need). You give, give, give. Embracing the messy for you is about coming to terms with your own motivation, you want control, you need to be liked and you need to be needed. You are spending so much energy on meeting the needs of others that you are neglecting who you really are and what you really need. Learn to say no, set some boundaries. Open yourself up to your emotions, allow yourself to learn to feel into yourself.
Organizations love having you on the team, you get stuff done! Patterns to watch for: your a chameleon, very adaptable to different circumstances, people, this can get great results and feeds your results orientation and it can be disorienting, who are you really? Embracing the messy is about paying attention to how you measure success, is it more about what you have (titles, recognition, possessions) than how you are showing up? Do you prioritize results over relationships? It's hard for you to slow down as you're equating your value to your productivity and your accomplishments. Those of us that love you, don't love you for the work, we love you for you. Connect to your purpose, what is really important to you?
Watch for the following patterns: comparing yourself to others, painting a rosy picture of the future and ignoring the beauty of the present, very attuned to your own feelings at the detriment of opening up to positive feedback from others (this allows you to further cement the story you're telling yourself about who you are). The messy is in learning to process your emotions and then releasing them, getting present, pay attention to what is going on outside of you. Watch how you devalue yourself, you don't need to prove your specialness, when you learn to accept yourself as you are you will no longer need affirmation from the rest of us.
Watch for a trend of over-valuing reasoning and knowledge. Do you like to learn as part of being able to achieve something or is it more about just knowing? You love being alone and on some level you also have a deep need to connect with others (we all have this, it is part of being human). For this type, connection is hard and further confounded as this type tends to send others mixed messages about how much you do or don't want to engage. This often manifests in self-isolation, fear of being hurt by others. Isolation can also be a way that you deal with the overwhelm of all the action, conversation.
Embrace the messy, get in touch with your heart, you live in your head. Pay attention, you may be missing out on a lot because you've convinced yourself that you need less. Notice how you box yourself in, you are proud of your self-sufficiency. In your head, you're safe. Notice how staying in your comfort zone is limiting you from experiencing life's many pleasures.
This type sees horrible things happening all around them so they set out to make safety a top priority. Contingency plans abound. You often see the risks that others do not; you see them and prepare for them even though chances are they will never happen. You live in a heightened state of anxiety, you make the rest of us anxious as well.
People often give you positive feedback, you have difficulty believing it. It's hard for you to accept your own competence. Instead of seeing all the things you do know, you focus on what is missing, pay attention to how this enables you to procrastinate. Notice where you give away your power and are overly loyal. Pay attention to your contrarian thinking.
Embracing the messy is about seeing your fears, noticing how your high level of vigilance is showing up and is keeping you from growth. Pay attention to your body, notice the tension; practice relaxing the tenseness.
You do love to keep your options open and you worry about missing out on fun. It is often difficult for you to be present, you are so compelled to remain in a good mood that you distract yourself from what is actually going on in the moment. To embrace the messy means learning how to be with suffering. Once you are able to experience pain you will be able to truly experience true joy as one is not complete without acknowledgement of the other. Are you avoiding difficult situations? Pay attention to the depth of your relationships, are you able to go deep? Can you experience the fullness of an intensely meaningful relationship which incorporates the challenging components?
You like to take action, sometimes so much so that you are impulsive. Anger is a difficult emotion for you, it typically makes you very reactive. You tend to be very direct, you like to put it 'on the table' and you expect others to do the same with you. Fairness, justice is very important for you, so important that you don't always slow down and think through the best way to express what is unjust in a way that will make the most impactful change. You often find yourself standing up for those that you feel need your support, protection. It is important for you to appear strong, mighty and powerful. It will be messy for you to pay attention and really notice this, how you go out of your way to not show weakness. Pay attention to how you take charge, skillfully or aggressively? Notice your superhero tendencies and their impact on you. Practice being less intense
Can't we all just get along? Great skill in being able to see the many angles and perspectives of a problem. People love to be around you as you are easy going. You hang around the fringes, orchestrating from the background, blending in, watching life more than living it. Embracing the messy for you means learning to get out of your comfort zone. And wow, you build amazing comfort zones, you love routines and go to great lengths to avoid conflict; it's all okay, everything is good, only it isn't. What do you need? What is really important to you? When you wake up you will be able to see the incredible value that you are able to bring the world. Get out there, get uncomfortable, jump into the conflict and trust in your ability to do this in a way that does elevate and bring peace.
Learning to truly see and accept ourselves is an extraordinary experience. You are extraordinary. The Enneagram and a certified Enneagram Facilitator will help guide you on your journey of self-discovery. Sign up to take the Aephoria Enneagram Assessment and debrief session. Fee is $149.